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Tech_JerkGadgets[i++] = new Array("","Introduction","","http://msnbcmedia.msn.com/j/msnbc/Components/Photo/_new/Brill-tech-081023-intro-1p.hmedium.jpg","","", "ss", "", "", "", "", "", "Getty Images stock", "273", "410", "#000000", "", "", "", "");
Tech_JerkGadgets[i-1].body = "<a href=\"http://www.msnbc.com\"> <img src=\" http://msnbcmedia.msn.com/i/msnbc/Components/Sources/Art/source-msnbc-com-newlogo.gif\" align=\"center\" border=0></a><P ALIGN=LEFT><i>By Daniel Harrison, contributor</i><p><br><b> <p style=\"font-size: 12pt; color: red\"><headline/></p> </b><br>Gadgets are confusing.</BR><br>According to a recent Pew study, almost 90 percent of American nuclear households (married with kids) have multiple cell phones. How that happened when other studies keep demonstrating cell phone use by men is associated with less \"motile\" sperm is anyone's guess.</BR><br>But again, gadgets are a conundrum. The iPhone, for instance, still has no copy-and-paste, which kind of sprains the brain doesn't it?<br></BR> Further enhancing gadgetry's yin and yang nature is that while sometimes tech makes you appear hip, assertive and dynamic, it can just as easily make you look like an utter pain.</BR><br>So, before you rush out to buy Apple's new laptop or BlackBerry's new Storm, click the arrows above for seven high-profile gadgets you might look cooler without.</BR>";

Tech_JerkGadgets[i++] = new Array("","BlackBerry","","http://msnbcmedia.msn.com/j/msnbc/Components/Photo/_new/brill-tech-081016-blackberry.hmedium.jpg","","", "", "", "", "", "", "Alex Wong", "Getty Images file", "273", "384", "#000000", "", "", "", "");
Tech_JerkGadgets[i-1].body = "<b> <p style=\"font-size: 12pt; color: red\"><headline/></p> </b><br>Most people get a BlackBerry (or  \"CrackBerry\") for work so they no longer have to talk to their loved ones. They're like the work version of the iPhone, and that's what makes them tough to deal with.</BR><br>Look, we don't come to your office and pretend it's the bar. It's awesome that you can take your important work with you everywhere, but the converse is that you're taking us with you to your office against our will. And ya know ... we're not paid for that.</BR>  <br>If you must check e-mail while you're out with your friends, for the love of God, buy a round, make your apologies and sod off to the corner. Don't make friends feel guilty for putting social lives ahead of an 80-hour work week. Oh and what is it you do anyway? Ruin mortgage lending for the rest of us?  Get over yourself.</BR><br><B>Cool if:</B> You're a world-traveling MBA </BR><br><B>Not cool if:</B>  Listen, we've all talked, and there's a reason we're playing \"Cat's in the Cradle\" every time you call us. This is an intervention.<p><br>";

Tech_JerkGadgets[i++] = new Array("","Bluetooth","","http://msnbcmedia.msn.com/j/msnbc/Components/Photo/_new/brill-tech-081016-bluetooth.hmedium.jpg","","", "", "", "", "", "right", "Richard Drew", "AP file", "273", "232", "#000000", "", "", "", "");
Tech_JerkGadgets[i-1].body = "<b> <p style=\"font-size: 12pt; color: red\"><headline/></p> </b><br>Hey buddy, ya' got something stuck in your ear.</BR><br>On the upside, a Bluetooth headset is a hands-free wireless earpiece for your phone. On the downside, you risk looking like either a crazy person or a self-important ponce.</BR><br>If you're wearing a suit and tie, you might avoid looking crazy, but only by appearing to be the kind of jerk who utters nonsense like \"leverage\" and \"monetize\" without a hint of irony.</BR><br>And P.S., you're shouting. When you walk around blaring away on your Bluetooth, everyone else has to listen. Do you mind? People are trying not to hear about your life over here!</BR></BR><br><B>Cool if:</B> You're using it in private spaces like your car or desk.</BR><br><B>Not cool if:</B> You're using it where you look like a jerk, which is everywhere else.</BR>";

Tech_JerkGadgets[i++] = new Array("","TiVo","","http://msnbcmedia.msn.com/j/msnbc/Components/Photo/_new/brill-tech-081016-tivo.hmedium.jpg","","", "", "", "", "", "", "Prnewsfoto", "TiVo Inc.", "236", "423", "#000000", "", "", "", "");
Tech_JerkGadgets[i-1].body = "<b> <p style=\"font-size: 12pt; color: red\"><headline/></p> </b><br>This is really only a problem if you must go on and on and on about it. And we know you must.</BR><br>TiVo undoubtedly improves your ability to watch TV. It liberates you from the tyranny of network schedules. It lets you rewind live TV. It even goes out and finds new shows you'll like. So, go on with your bad self and enjoy your TV-watching, but for God's sake, please stop yapping about it in everyone's ears. </BR><br>Here's why: It's TV. Which is to say, it's just not that important. It's not a hobby, it's not self-improving and it's not going to cure cancer. Practice won't make you better at it, and no matter how good your gadgets, the difference between seeing who's dancing with the stars now and you know, not, is ... hold on ... carry the one ... oh look at that: Not a big deal at all. </BR><br><B>Cool if:</B> You enjoy it quietly at home.</BR><br><B>Not cool if:</B> You talk about it like it's the product of successful stem-cell research.</BR>";

Tech_JerkGadgets[i++] = new Array("","Apple's MacBook Air ","","http://msnbcmedia.msn.com/j/msnbc/Components/Photo/_new/brill-tech-081016-macbook-air.hmedium.jpg","","", "", "", "", "", "", "Paul Sakuma", "AP file", "189", "423", "#000000", "", "", "", "");
Tech_JerkGadgets[i-1].body = "<b> <p style=\"font-size: 12pt; color: red\"><headline/></p> </b><br>Oh you are such a sucker if you bought one of these.</BR><br>Apple's new MacBook Pro, meanwhile, is crafted from aluminum using a process code-named \"Brick\" that involves lasers and water (... and unicorns and David Bowie and trucker hats and whatever else is hip in places like Brooklyn these days).</BR><br>But the MacBook Air? No amount of breathless advertising sufficiently obscures the fact that you paid a premium for an elegantly designed, under-featured, overpriced laptop without an optical drive.</BR><br>What does it do? It fits in an interoffice mail envelope and it has rounded edges. Forward that junk to Frank in Design. After all, everyone already knows he's a self-indulgent boob.</BR><br><B>Cool if:</B> You're a rich, self-indulgent trend-follower.</BR><br><B>Not cool if:</B> You'd like to avoid looking like such a rich, self-indulgent trend-follower.</BR>";

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Tech_JerkGadgets[i-1].body = "<b> <p style=\"font-size: 12pt; color: red\"><headline/></p> </b><br>Okay, we get it. You're hip.</BR><br>Now plug your stinking iPod into your old stereo like everyone else. Buying molded white plastic schlock isn't going to hip up your dorm room or office. And while you're at it, stop listening to Mars Volta. It's over. We're onto you. </BR><br>Moreover, is it the headphones themselves or the iPod owners who ensure that one headphone bud is always dangling outside of its intended ear?</BR><br>Non-iPod-owning mass transit riders asked that this message be passed along: \"People who leave one headphone dangling should put their heads between the closing doors.\"</BR><br><B>Cool if:</B> You own stock in Apple.</BR><br><B>Not cool if:</B> You don't.</BR>";

Tech_JerkGadgets[i++] = new Array("","Linux","","http://msnbcmedia.msn.com/j/msnbc/Components/Photo/_new/brill-tech-081016-Linus-Torvalds.hmedium.jpg","","", "", "", "", "", "right", "John G. Mabanglo", "AFP -Getty Images file", "273", "185", "#000000", "", "", "", "");
Tech_JerkGadgets[i-1].body = "<b> <p style=\"font-size: 12pt; color: red\"><headline/></p> </b><br>Linux is great. It's a free, open-source operating system (OS) based on work done by Linus Torvalds in the early '90s. Again, it's free, powerful and easy to ...</BR><br>Oh wait, it's a pain to use. Let's get this straight: Linux is very good, and leads the charge in an ongoing revolution in free software. However, a lot of Linux users out there give the whole thing a poor name. They forget that most people don't know as much as they do about computers. Some people garden, write poetry, fall in love or ... er, bloviate about gadgetry.</BR>  <br>Please don't confuse your fanaticism with superiority and, for the love of Jobs, stop telling us we're sheep under the sway of Microsoft. No one likes Comcast either, but until it's convenient to string our own fiber optic cable we're sticking with it. (Msnbc.com is a Microsoft-NBC Universal joint venture.)</BR><br><B>Cool if:</B> You're not heaping disdain on the rest of us, or maybe if you're in charge of a server farm.</BR><br><B>Not cool if:</B> You feel your mastery of computers excuses your inability to control a neck-beard.</BR>";

Tech_JerkGadgets[i++] = new Array("","Segway","","http://msnbcmedia.msn.com/j/msnbc/Components/Photo/_new/Brill-tech-081023-segway-11a.vmedium.jpg","","", "", "", "", "", "left", "J. Scott Applewhite", "AP file", "159", "198", "#000000", "", "", "", "");
Tech_JerkGadgets[i-1].body = "<b> <p style=\"font-size: 12pt; color: red\"><headline/></p> </b><br>It's gotten laughs on \"Futurama,\" \"The Simpsons\" and \"The Daily Show.\" (Remember when W. took a header off one?) That said, it deserves more.</BR><br>The Segway was pitched as the product to revolutionize transport -- at least for that difficult-to-negotiate distance that's inconvenient to walk but doesn't call for a car. Instead Segways are used primarily by tour groups, visibly embarrassed police or postal officers, and very rich people who, no joke, play polo on them.</BR><br>The worst thing about the Segway is the disappointment. Dean Kamen designed a personal dialysis machine,  a wheelchair that can stand up, walk up stairs and go off-road, and more recently, the \"Luke Arm,\" a strap-on prosthetic named for Luke Skywalker's  from \"Star Wars.\"</BR><br>So when you hear that Kamen's working on a top-secret project mysteriously referred to by the code name \"It,\" you take notice. Then you get this thing that looks like a desk lamp had its way with a pogo stick.</BR><br><B>Cool if:</B> Nope!</BR><br>";

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